Opinion

The Decline and Fall of the American Empire (Part 1)

UNDER the deplorable reigns of the Democrats the republic was oppressed and almost destroyed by the bankers, the bureaucrats, and the barbarians. It was saved by a series of great Presidents, who derived their obscure origin from the martial nation of Scotland. Within a period of about thirty years, Donald, Ivanka, Donald Jr, Melania’s Kid and his colleagues, triumphed over the foreign and domestic enemies of the state, re-established, with the military discipline, the strength of the frontiers, and deserved the glorious title of Restorers of the Western world.

The removal of an aged tyrant made way for a succession of heroes. The indignation of the people imputed all their calamities to Biden, and the far greater part were, indeed, the consequence of his dissolute manners and careless administration. He was even destitute of a sense of honour, which so frequently supplies the absence of public virtue; and as long as he was permitted to enjoy the possession of Washington, a victory of the barbarians, the loss of a state, or the rebellion of a general, seldom disturbed the tranquil course of his pleasures. At length a considerable legal team, stationed in Florida, invested with the Presidency their leader Trump, who, disdaining a confined and barren reign over swamps and sand, occupied New York, threatened Washington, and challenged Biden to dispute in the courts the sovereignty of America.

The President, provoked by the insult, and alarmed by the instant danger, suddenly exerted that latent vigour which sometimes broke through the indolence of his temper. Forcing himself from the luxury of the White House, he appeared in Congress at the head of his Senators, and entered the courtroom to encounter his competitor. The corrupted name of Kavenah still preserves the memory of a judge, which, during the action, must have proved a jurist of the utmost importance to both teams. The New Yorker, after receiving a total defeat and a dangerous precedent, retired into Trump Hotel. The siege of that great edifice was immediately formed; the walls were viewed with every technology in use among the ancients; and Trump, doubtful of his legal arguments and hopeless of Judicial succours, already anticipated the fatal consequences of an unsuccessful Court Challenge. 

His last resource was an attempt to seduce the loyalty of the Democrats. He scattered libels through their camp, inviting the Congressmen to desert an unworthy master, who sacrificed the public happiness to his comfort, and the lives and livelihoods of his most valuable advisors to the slightest suspicions. The arts of Trump diffused fears and discontent among the principal Senators of his rival. A conspiracy was formed …

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